Is it April already?

Today, it was 63 as was yesterday! It has been sooo hard to concentrate on school!! We wanted to play outside, but considering last Sunday night we got 9 inches or so of snow and now its melted, it has been much too wet and muddy to play. :( We have had 2 good snowfalls since Nov and our family is ready for it to be spring. We decided that today. We wouldn't mind if it stayed in the range of 50's to mid-60's during the day and 40's for comfortable sleeping at night. Ahhh. I know. I will have to face the reality of more snow before it can truly be spring, but this was a nice reprieve from the usual January weather. Its been nice and intoxicating having the windows open the last few days. They are calling for a high of only 45 tomorrow with rain, which is a far cry from the sunny 60's, but still very warm for January.

School has been going well. We are getting into a routine, which seems to be more of this: we do what we want, when we want. :) Which is so nice and fun and different. We like it this way. Tomorrow, we are going to try to do math last at Felecia's request because its quite a challenge for her. I have my doubts that it will work that way, I'm thinking she is usually burned out by late afternoon and she won't want to stay focused, but hopefully I'm wrong. My idea was to always do math first and get it out of the way. However, doing it first also has sometimes set the tone for her to have a bad attitude throughout the day, so maybe doing the easier more fun stuff first will make a difference. Today, she got to sleep in till 9:30. The last few nights the kids have been chit-chatting and staying awake till 11-11:30! Tonight is crack-down time. (It's 10 to 9 right now and we'll see what happens -- I currently have 3 very wide-awake kids). In part, its my fault for being lax on them over Christmas break with their bedtimes. I like it for a while when they stay up because this means they will sleep in late, and I LOVE to sleep in. Now, I also like to start school by 9 so we can be done around 3 or 4, which means we all basically have to get up by 8 to have eaten and gotten really awake to start at 9. I wanted her to sleep till she woke up today, and that was 9:30. So she got 10 hours of sleep. This made a big difference in her attitude today. Plus, Curt had an extra day off this week so she was able to hang out with daddy and then do some art with him before starting core courses for the day. Consequently, we didn't start till 1:00 today but we finished by 5:30 so not a bad day overall.

I recently found out that we are able to do up to 12 supplemental hours each week and count towards required hours for school. That's neat! We are constantly in search of free internet educational games. Yesterday, we watched a recorded episode of "Survivorman". It was the one where he was on Baffin Island, The Arctic, Canada. I took notes based on what she and I thought was interesting/noteworthy. We learned a lot and that was a nice supplement to science and history. (In history, we have been learning the continents, oceans, directions, poles, etc.) Before we started the show, I explained to her about seasons and the position of the earth and our relativity to the sun during seasons, and also where Les (aka "survivorman") was and what season it was where he was at. (I had already seen that episode as Curt and I are avid watchers of the show.) It was really interesting to stop every now and then to take notes and answer her questions and then to come up with our own conclusion afterward. I had my doubts as to her interest and how long she would last, but she really enjoyed it as well.

I Got a Job!

Teaching, that is. Though I know it's a good thing,(to homeschool) it's been a frustrating day. We have immersed ourselves into homeschool! Officially, we started on Tuesday. We have been doing a lot of unit testingi n Math and English to see what Felecia knows and where is a good place for us to start. Today, we worked way too long on Math. I was trying to accomplish the goal of getting past the "assessment". (test). You have to get 80% or higher to be considered having mastered the Unit. We now know where we need to be for Math, we are still testing for English. Today, though, I wanted to do a lesson for each, plus do Science, Music, Art and Phonics. Yea. We had a 7 hour day today! AHHHH! We did just over 2 hours in Math. I should have just stopped after 1 hour (which is the state-recommended amount per day) and finished the next day. Its just so hard! I'm learning to realize the difference between a 28 year old accomplishing a goal (like, adults work until "x" is done, regardless of things like thirst, hunger, boredom, etc) and a 6 year old accomplishing a goal. I also learned that getting an assessment "done" doesn't mean squat if I can't walk away and Felecia know what to do. I don't think its test anxiety. I don't know what happened today. We'll just have to see. It wasn't even that she choked, she just really never grasped the concept that we had spent an hour and a half studying and I didn't realize that she wasn't grasping it!!! UGH! I have realized that this is my new "j-o-b". Except, the dividends by which I get paid take longer to show, and an even longer time for me to appreciate all my hard work. I now realize it doesn't matter if she per se progresses on to 2nd grade next year. That is generally what is drilled into the general population's heads regarding public school. Going to 2nd grade won't help if she can't master the 1st grade skills. I feel very behind for 2 reasons: 1) I'm not sure (obveously) exactly what she learned/how far she got in school. Plus, what they did teach her, does she really have a good grasp on? 2) Starting in the middle of the year with a whole new program is probably not the best idea, but given our situation, we really had no choice. So I feel compelled to rush to "catch up". Which I know is not overall a good thing for Felecia. But today, after we had a lunch break, we did Music, then some Art, then English and that was alot smoother and more fun. Right now, I cannot see how we would ever finish in time for June, but oh well. That's hard for me to state being the "type A" personality that I am. I have figured out how to better organize the school stuff but it is tough living in a small place. We are managing. Each day I feel more and more familiar with the school in general. And Felecia loves it! Believe it or not, she is starving for knowledge! And I love feeding it to her! She is like the plant from "Little Shop of Horrors" saying "FEED ME! FEED ME!" She was sad that we had to stop today. I love doing it too, but there has so far been about an hour of prep time per night (since I have to keep everything in boxes and read up/familiarize myself with each of the lessons) and I don't want to make homeschool all that I live and breathe. Surprisingly, housework isn't falling too much by the wayside, but we shall see what the weeks and months to come bring. I think my inlaws may have imposed themselves on us for Christmas, but oh well. C'est la vie, right? More to come as I have the time. I've decided to try to post like at least once a week about homeschool, because I want to be able to look back on it. Yea. We'll see how that goes. I'm by far not the world's most consistent blogger.

The boys are doing well. Somewhat put out about mommy not just being at their every beck and call as before, but they like to do school with us. I don't let them do English or Math, but they seem to like the other stuff.

Some issues worth blogging...

*******Note: This is a long post about some issues I'm having that a friend's blog prompted me to bare my heart and sould to just get it out. However, should you want to know what I'm really like, reading it will give you much insight to my life. Let's see: moving, finances, homeschool, being overweight, and my relationship with Christ. I am hurting currently from these things. I hope and pray as I'm sharing this that I can maybe give someone else perspective because I know my friend and I are not the only ones to struggle with these types of things.

Moving/finances: 3 1/2 years ago, Curt and I moved to Northeast Ohio in pursuit of a job and a better life for us. We thought God was giving us a chance to "start over" and things could only get better. Which they did, for awhile, but we are still not studious or wise with our money, and our lifestyle has adapted to however much Curt makes. We are still barely getting by day to day, and I feel that the Lord has led me to create a budget and yet I'm scared to death to do so. My parents admit they never have been good with money, and yet they still were able to provide reasonably well for my brother and I. My mom babysat until Robbie and I were in school full-time and then she got a job within the school so that she could be present when we left for school and when we got home. So I didn’t have an example of being a wise steward of money. My parents had their “issues” with tithing, so I also didn’t “get” (and still don’t) the real need for tithing. Its in my head, but far from my heart. I know I should, but we too experience hardship whenever we do it. Logically, it doesn’t make sense, and I haven’t found anyone who can make sense of it spiritually, either.
God can and will meet you where you are at. You can rest assured that He will care for you whether you are in MI or TX. I have learned that to be true because my heart longs to move back to MI to be with my family and the friends we have there. It has taken me all this time, and I’m still learning each day to be content where He has me right now – penniless, 250 miles away from what I know, overweight and perplexed about my daughter’s school. Am I satisfied or settling for this place? No. I believe that God has something better for me. But I can say I’m content most of the time. I can totally relate to your line of thinking “If only I can get out of here and move to ______, (you fill in the blank) then I know I’ll be happy.” The grass always looks greener on the other side. I mean, hey. I thought grass in Ohio looked pretty green, and wouldn’t you know, after we were here for about 2 years, the grass in Michigan started looking pretty good again! Funny, isn’t it? I know that unless I allow God to make changes in my heart/spiritual life, if and when I ever get back to Michigan, pretty soon, I’ll be saying the same thing about another place.

We have decided to homeschool Felecia!!! I am soooo very excited about this! For many reasons: 1) I have been praying about homeschooling her since she was ½ way through preschool and the decision to enroll her in public school rolled around. (*note: I have always wanted and felt that God wanted me to homeschool my children since back when I was a teenager.) What I failed to realize was that although I wanted to do it, and felt that God wanted me to do it, was that God’s timing was that we would have Felecia in public school for a short time first. 2) I have felt the Lord’s hand in this especially since the **conference. (**See blog below) 3) It has been awesome to see God using circumstances to change Curt’s mind on the homeschooling thing. He has always supported it, but said that our apartment would be much too small to do it in. Well, due to the circumstances, we are left with no other choice, and I think he is beginning to see that it will work after all. One of the hardest things I’ve had to do yet was to pray for a long time (we’re talking its been almost 2 years!) for either us to move or God to change Curt’s mind!!! And, I had to do all of this without pestering the snot out of Curt about it. Sometimes I know I failed miserably at that, but I can tell you for sure and for certain that there were many times that I controlled my tongue and said nothing despite the fact that I never wanted Felecia to go to that horrid school in the first place! 4) I can already feel my family coming closer together. 5) The homeschool program seems to be one of the most awesome I’ve ever heard of! 6) Despite being severely mistreated by her 1st grade teacher, Felecia did awesome in the placement tests. In my heart, I was preparing myself emotionally because both her first grade teacher and her kindergarten teacher said she was the slowest in the class and behind. I was trying to prepare myself for the fact that she may test low and be placed in kindergarten. Guess what?? She tested 1st grade in both math and reading!!! I am sooo proud of her!

We are going through Ohio Virtual Academy. It is an online charter school. Called “distance learning”. The totally awesome things that I know right now about it are: 1) Since it’s a charter school it works the same way – which means its free. (The only cost I have would be that for field trips and paper and ink for my printer.) 2) There’s a free computer that they loan you for every student although we have a laptop and a desktop so we opted out of that due to space limitations in the Apt. We can opt in for the comp if we decide to at a later time. 3) I am the type of person who can work very diligently alone, but do much better with someone checking in on me periodically which works very well with this program because her work gets turned into a teacher that we meet with about every quarter, and I talk to them on a weekly basis to turn in attendance, progress reports, and assignments. I also have them at my disposal if I have questions or if something’s not clicking with Felecia. 4) Since the curriculum is designed by teachers, they have suggestions for how to schedule your day, which will be wonderful for me! I’m also looking for simple suggestions on what to do with the other two children. (Noah (4), hasn’t really gotten the hang for how fun school is, and Elijah (2), is too little to join in on a lot of it, although he’s at that age that as long as he’s sitting with mommy, he doesn’t really care what we do. I am scared silly to think of being responsible for what my daughter has to know, but I feel better knowing that many moms like me have done it without a teaching degree, and I have a teacher to keep me accountable. It’s the same kind of scared that you are when you find out you are pregnant for the first time. At least that’s the closest I can come to explaining it. You have the same questions: What will it be like? Will I really like doing it? Will I hate it? Will it be as fun and rewarding as I hope it will? Will she listen and obey? Will I be able to teach her without yelling because she’s not understanding? Am I going to fail? Will she? And no amount of other’s homeschool stories whether encouraging to uplift me or horror stories to deter me will really help me feel any better. Its something I’m going to have to just do to experience for myself to see how it works for my family. Its such a thrilling fear!! J Anyone who desires to homeschool, do a google search to see what your state might have to offer. The curriculum is from the k12 company, and they do have other states that they do charter school in. (btw, Michigan isn’t one of them yet, nor does Michigan have any online free schools so that would be a major factor against us moving back – if we like the program, that is.)

Ahh. The last topic for my posting tonight. Being overweight. Similarly to hearing other’s stories about homeschool and having babies, hearing other’s success stories hasn’t done much for me personally on the “fat front”. I weigh about 185 lbs last time I checked and I have the desire to lose weight, but I can’t seem to stick with a time of day that works for me. Plus, to actually do my “routine” means taking time out of my very busy day from everyone else to spend on myself. If I’m totally honest here, which I’m trying to be, that’s why I don’t blog very much. I feel like I’m not worth my own time. Boy, that sounds and looks pretty dumb on paper!! Kinda pathetic, really. I often allow Satan to make me feel guilty for taking time for myself. So, its easier for me to play the part of a martyr and cater to everyone else’s needs and neglect my own. Yes, that makes for one unhappy Chalice. I understand that. But the guilt chokes any desire of “me time” right out of me. Last year when we got our tax return back, I got to be the recipient of a beautiful exercise bike. The safe kind that your kids can’t get hurt on, unless they try to use it without your permission or try to crawl under it while you are pedaling and end up with a concussion. (no, that didn’t really happen, but they have walked too close to me and gotten their shins whacked a couple of times!) The actual cost to our food budget to buy healthier foods scares me. Produce is expensive, and the stores I shop at are 25 minutes away, so I try to go once a month, except for bread and WIC items where I shop closer to home. (Those stores are soooooo expensive that I can’t buy regular groceries there.) Then there’s the “my kids are more important” thing that always ruins my appetite for healthy food when I do buy it. I feel like I should just not snack, or I reach for the stuff that’s bad for me instead of snacking like I should. I am doing much better on the portions I eat at mealtimes, however. And, I am buying much less of the junk food so if it’s not in the house, then I won’t be tempted by it. Like icecream. And chocolate. And cookies. Big weaknesses. I really want to boost my self-confidence with a lower weight, like, say, 150 would make me happy, 140 and I would be ecstatic! Hopefully, the homeschool thing will give me more structure to my day and I’ll be able to plan my workouts. When I ride right now, I ride for 30 minutes and get about 6.5 miles in, while keeping my heart rate up. If I could do just that 5 days a week consistently for even one month, I would be happy. The longest I’ve ever done it so far since I’ve gotten the bike is 4 days.

The last thing, not meant to be last, but an addition after I was done with the other topics. My relationship with Christ. Its there. Its existent. But its not all that I want it to be, and I know its not all that Christ wants it to be. Its that time/priority/schedule thing again. So maybe homeschool will help with that, too. It seems like a lot more is riding on homeschool than school itself. Perhaps that is why God is placing it in our lives right now….